Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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