You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
