I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
