Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
