you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
