Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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