just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
