You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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