If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
