my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
