I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need to calm my uterus...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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