I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
