Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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