he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
