I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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