Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
