I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
