not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
honey bunches of taint.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
