how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
