I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
