all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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