He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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