i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
They took my balls.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
