I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
