We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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