please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can I color on your dick again?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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