She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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