she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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