just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
