How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
