I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
