I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
