Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
