You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
