If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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