The maid of honor just puked.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
