I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
