In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
