so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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