we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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