im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
