I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
