I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
