Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
