But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
