I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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