I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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