i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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