Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
