fuck your aforementioned shoe
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
