Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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