I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
