My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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