i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i will never coherently bang her
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
